13 Mar 2007

Obsessive avoidance?


I haven’t played EQ2 in a month or more now. With the short story claiming all of my attention, I got out of the habit – but even now I’ve started mailing it out, I still haven’t played. I keep thinking about it, then I think, well, I’m not really missing it …

Now I’m beginning to think that avoiding EQ2 has become something of an obsession, and I’m not sure that it’s a healthy one, because I’m not doing anything else with the time I’m not wasting. I haven’t been writing – not of anything that’s progressing The Book or anything else useful, anyway. I seem to be going out of my way not to do anything, really.

Part of it is that I’m really having a hard time with work right now. I’ve been given a project that I hate, that’s late, that I don’t understand, and that won’t use any of the skills I’ll need to find a new job. I can see me working on applications like this for the next five years, then when I don’t have any choice but to find different work, I’ll have five years of working on ugly spaghetti code in a language no-one uses in an environment that was out of date in the mid-90s. No recent C++, Java or anything else that might distinguish me, and that I could, and can do better than most – currently. That won’t be true in five years.

Add onto that a quality audit that has consumed my time documenting a process we’ll never use and I hate the whole situation. I’m supposed to work to a script for the auditor (should he choose me – “Geekachu! I choose you!”) to show that we’ve been using these practices all along. Now, I don’t really have a strong objection to pulling the wool over an auditor’s eyes; I guess maybe I should, but it’s not significantly different from what anyone else does. But when it comes to answering questions, I am extraordinarily bad at handling stress, and I’m not likely to give the auditor the picture they want. Lying isn’t in the skill set they hired me for.

So it seems that hating my job has become something of an obsession, too, and not one that has any constructive effect or creative byproducts. Maybe I should get back to my EQ2 escapism until I can deal with work.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 13th, 2007 at 10:01 pm and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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